So You Want to Write a Shipwreck Song

I'm back in The Awl today discussing the only good kind of song.

The Least Dangerous Game

A partial list of literary egg puns compiled by Aubrey Clayton and me, with contributions by Zac Lizer:

Eat, Pray, L'Oeuf
How to Hen Friends and Eggfluence People
Fear of Frying
The Yolk and Its Relation to the Unconscious
12 Albumen
Our Bodies, Our Shells
The Tragedy of Omelette, Prince of Henmark
Upton Sinclair's "Boil!"
The Huevo the Pilgrim
The Kreutzer Frittata
The Mayonnaise Waltz
Thus Spoke Shakshuka
The Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzoufflé
The Poachman Always Meringues Twice
Live and Let Dye
The Scrambler
The Soufflé Also Rises
This Sunnyside of Paradise
All Quiet on the Western Omelette
Over-Easy of Eden
Scrambler's List
Croque Madame Bovary
Don Quicheote
The Deviled Dictionary

The Most Dangerous Game

One great game to play with children at the Natural History Museum is to point to one of the dioramas and ask, "What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?" The answers may surprise you.





What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
No, actually it's the cape buffalo.





What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
Yes, it's an elk, but not the one you'd think.





What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
It's lupine, a poisonous woodland flower.

What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
That lizard on top of the boulder.

What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
That fox's crippling depression.



What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
Your own unchallenged assumptions.

What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
Over-reliance on hydroelectric dams.

What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
Climate change.



What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
The lead used to paint the backdrop.

What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
Cosmic background radiation.

What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
The baby hippo, who is going to grow up to be a spree killer.

What's the most dangerous thing in this scene?
The baby chimpanzee, who is 10x more venomous than the adult.

How To Tell If You Are in a Dostoevsky Novel

"Every night Pontius Pilate berates you in a dream."

I forgot to post this earlier, but check out my recent piece in The Toast, How to Tell If You Are in a Dostoevsky Novel, and a special thanks to Nicole Chung for being the most helpful and patient editor ever.